Anxiety

                             
The part of life that I never did get is why people become so aware of what they have, but aren’t able to express how they feel. I have always been able to fully express the ideas that I would come across even sometimes when I get this uncomfortable feeling. I knew that whatever I was truly facing my logical would tell me to face it head on. I hated being the one to circle around problems. Problems only hinder that much more than you will lead to face it once more again. I never did get why there was such cruelty in the world when it came to asking questions about what my life meant.  Where I was going down my path, but I knew that I was coping with a lot of worries inside my body. I was wondering would anyone ever get why I was feeling this way. What made my worries exist even more to lead me into another direction? That it would feed off my stress once more and then I wouldn’t know how to handle it again and again. I knew from that point of my life I would have to learn how to cope with whatever was brought to me in my life. A series of many stories that I never did get. 

Determination

                          There is so much strength in myself when it comes to getting the right job,
 meeting the right people, going the right direction, and never did I expect for life to come at me.
 life keeps coming at me every single second of the day. I kept wondering where is this life coming
to. How would I be able to sustain myself from doing other bad things in life. Bc you are the enemy
of the world and that place where you find yourself trapped. It just keeps going. I started mediating
on my life and the series of events that kept going at me. I never could forget what would keep
going through my trials and my errors. Life would have never been promise. All you needed
was that attitude that your life would keep coming and you couldn't do a thing about it.
Not many people come into your life, but only for that season and then you wonder what
happened to it all. Life should have been more simpler but we just complicated every bit of
life. 

Confusion

                                   

      I never quite understood why people went from happiness to going from changing their
lives into someone that I didn't know. My emotions are going from highs to lows. I hate trying
to decide what life choices may bring upon me because that fear of getting there and not knowing
what exactly to expect it leaves me this dry feeling. The feeling that I can't branch away from it
keeps lingering inside of me. I want to be able to get it throw it out somewhere far, so that I will
never be able to look behind again. That makes me believe that the reality of life that has been
created isn't but a load of unexplainable things. I never wanted my life to be harassed or to be
able to be expected from other people and many times I feel that it is. I get the urge of wanting
to throw away the part of me that I can't get away from. I miss the simple days of life where
I didn't have to wake up and wonder what do I need to do today. I could live life without
expecting. Just doing that very thing.

                 I feel as though I am losing the huge chunk of me that became so apparent to me the first time I had spoken to you. I know that person cares about me, but attention is what we all seek for. I am scare those things will go wrong or if he will be able to express his thoughts clearly to me. I never wanted him to feel scare to open up because I was being too harsh or irrational. I miss him being there for me through the times that I knew him the most. I loved every bit of laughter that we would grow to talk about. His ideas about how to help me to grow into the person that I wanted to become. That is what I have loved about him.  Now, I have ever wanted to do was to become happy with everything that I have. But, that happiness would grow into more of deep depression feeling than a happy one. The reality part of my life turns into so much errors and all I wanted was to live in those dreams

                
Mental issues have always been very interesting to me, but also I never did quite get why people function the way they do. I knew that whatever was going through my mind had millions of thoughts. That I could never understand. I thought people personalities were what made them who they were, but instead I felt as though there was something more hidden inside that nobody did ever get. I knew that moods were quite ups and downs. Depression would turn people to a changed life and that pain would exist because there was something that hurt people deep down inside and didn’t know how to stay away from.  I wanted to change my abilities of believing that people would understand my deepest  thought and feelings. I was wrong and I wanted to make a believer out of myself that I was here to make a difference.  That whatever I was facing wasn’t reality. It was dreams that I would decide in my mind. I knew that I wanted to believe that in my everyday being. Those dreams would come through my imaginations. My issues that I was faced with were only hidden parts of me.  I found myself realizing that nobody in this world would truly understand the possibilities of facing such issues. I had become somebody once more that I would change into.

There are always thing that amazed me about people that I never did quite understand.  Are we there to look good for one another? I miss the points in life that would make life a bit easier and less complicating.  Life was an overall journey that I would get so wrapped up around everything and then it would grew into this huge destructiveness that I didn’t get. That makes me angry at times to picture, but then I knew my faith would keep me going. My body would just tell me there are ways to cope with life a bit easier. I knew that if I would breathe for that very moment I would open up a world of many doors. Those conclusions would come out and I would have been happier knowing that. The peace and the joys that I would find in my everyday life would soon come out.

I have always thought about relationships as being very simple and easy going. I never

 expected for a relationship to have the trails. I have expectations from people, but for 

some reason there is always this skeptical part of me that filters in.

Why can't relationships be about   loving the person, but why does it have to be about

the needs and the expectations of what we need may need. I never did quite understand

the very details of it.

I hated that and when was I was trying to grow out of fear. The doubt that

would manifest over time and then it would ache as much as anything ever did. I wanted

that kind of dream relationships with pictures of joys and happiness all that. I have written

in my mind. The pictures that would never go away and I would spend time creating

that journey that I had in mind.